The Blizzard Chronicles – Feb 2016

  • It’s 4:20am.
    Its not snowing yet.
    Ya know… In case you don’t own a window.
    You’re Welcome.
  • 7:12am. Still not one snowflake. Thinking now about all the people who will have to drive to work, only to be let out early to hurry home in the middle of a blizzard.
    Dear Mother Nature,
    Shit or get off the pot.
  • 7:50am. The weatherman and my window tells me it’s snowing.
    I guess my pep talk with Mother Nature did the trick
  • '8:48am. Desperate for entertainment in the midst of the storm, we've gotten the cats high on catnip. Dem bitches be crazy.'
    8:48am. Desperate for entertainment in the midst of the storm, we’ve gotten the cats high on catnip. Dem bitches be crazy.
  • 10:21am. Fatigue has set in. Having heat, electricity, cable and Internet has been exhausting. Time to replenish our broken spirits with a nap.
  • 12:38pm. Just received a blizzard warning via text message. Only 5 hours late. I don’t know how the pioneers coped without this modern technology.
  • 2:25pm. The cake is gone.
    In other words… This is goodbye.
  • 6pm. Another nap complete. Foster snuggles are like kryptonite to any plans.
  • Janie Larson Baird's photo.
    Janie Larson Baird's photo.
    Janie Larson Baird's photo.

    6:15pm. I have photographed the driveway, the front entry and the side entry. When they see these historical documents, future generations will understand how we perished.

  • 6:17pm. They’ve closed all schools for tomorrow. They must have seen my historical documents.
  • '8:50pm. We have resolved ourselves to something called a "jigsaw puzzle". A perfectly lovely photograph someone felt needed chopped into bits. Foster is confused by this trickery. We have tried to Bluetooth it, Google it and hook it up to wifi. So far, no luck.'
  • 8:50pm. We have resolved ourselves to something called a “jigsaw puzzle”. A perfectly lovely photograph someone felt needed chopped into bits. Foster is confused by this trickery. We have tried to Bluetooth it, Google it and hook it up to wifi. So far, no luck. (The Febreze is to keep the asshole cats off of it)
  • 12:05am. I have braved the elements all day. By braved I mean I stayed inside, napped, ate and watched television. It was exhausting. Time for bed. I must build up my strength to be able to do it all again tomorrow.
  • 3:50 in the mornin’
    Not a plow in sight
    Wind is whippin’ like a dom girl
    In the city late at night
    Can’t see out my windows
    Cuz the snow’s packed ’em tight
    If I hadn’t have napped all day…
    I’d still be asleep tonight.
    And the snow blows….
    Yeah, it f*ck#n blows….
  • '9:45am. I have been excavating the white desert outside my shelter and have found some sort of primitive rock formation.'
    9:45am. I have been excavating the white desert outside my shelter and have found some sort of primitive rock formation.
  • '10:54am. Have received delicate information regarding my plans to escape. Plans = foiled.'
    10:54am. Have received delicate information regarding my plans to escape. Plans = foiled.

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